Olympics Visitor Warning and the Canadian Ninja

Woman punches off coyote attack
Mother fought off cougar to save toddler from attack


It is widely believed that Canadians are ninjas. This myth is obviously false, since we have an obesity rate rivalling that of the USA (okay, not really), but when it comes to fighting off large animals, the inner ninja prevails.

Linked above, an article about a woman who saves her dog from a coyote. I have a little dog, and she is always trying to run off to play with the coyotes. She hears them howling from our backyard, and since it would be very not-pretty to fence in our yard, she generally makes a break for it. Luckily, we always catch her before she reaches the forest. Those damned coy-otes are always hungry.

In order to protect from coyotes, make sure to have a guard animal, such as a llama, or a donkey (seriously.). Coyotes aren't that large and generally live off rodents. If you have a dog that looks like a rodent, like I do, then maybe you should invest in a loyal llama to protect your rat-dog.

Cougars, on the other hand, are massive. My parents always told me that if I wasn't careful, a cougar would eat my face. Apparently, they are quite well known for face-eating, though Wikipedia stubbornly claims that they are more likely to jump you from behind (which is also scary). This website insists that only 5 people in the last 100 years have been killed by cougars, and that three Canadians a year die from bee stings.

This is because ninja powers are useless against bees. Unless you can do that trick from Wanted where the nerdy dude suddenly had the ability to shoot the wings off a fly. Except we're not allowed guns in Canada.

This is why ninja powers are important. If your three-year-old got attacked by a cougar, what would you do?

Obviously, you would activate ninja powers and fight back. In fact, the Canadian Ministry of Environment even suggests that you do exactly that (FIIGHT). There were 29 non-fatal cougar attacks in the last 100 years - but remember, the Canadian ninja has a much higher chance of surviving due to extreme ninja skills. In case you are among the lucky who are going to be visiting Vancouver for the Olympics, you may want to take note of these suggestions.

a) Take martial arts lessons before arriving so you will be prepared to fight off attacks by coyotes, cougars and bears.
b) Always carry a large stick with you.
c) Because coyotes attack the head (from behind according to Wikipedia, or perhaps the face) it is best to wear a helmet when you're outside. Preferably one with a mask, like a motorcycle helmet or a hockey helmet.

It also must be mentioned that our dogs are also ninja trained. Sometimes they are too small to fight the animals off themselves, as seen above where the owner was forced to intervene. But they also do pretty well, and are suuper loyal: Retriever saves 11-year-old boy from cougar attack in Boston Bar